A field. Nataku was sure it was a field of flowers. It was vast as if paralleling the sky in a contest of broadness and wonder. Its majesty was amazing and the wind seemed to sing in the place. Heaven and earth seemed to have met and the beauty of it all made Nataku lose every inch of tiredness she felt. Nataku could see herself standing in a mere distance and seemingly in deep thought, as she always was… as she will always be.
What is this place? Where is this place?
“I’m sorry. Did I make you wait long?” said a male voice. It was familiar but was tainted with something. Nataku could not hear it right. She could make out the words but the familiarity of it was being deprived from her. And she searched for where it came from.
“What? Oh, no.” the image of Nataku veered and there came a body walking towards that image, coming from behind the Nataku that listened – the real her.
The real her.
She could not see who that person was. His image was blurred, darkened and his face did not seem to be there. But Nataku knew it was a man.
“You’re lying. I know I made you wait again.”
Nataku could see them talking but she could not hear them anymore. She felt herself drawing farther from the image of herself and the person she was speaking to. Heavily, she was drawn away and the image before her began to blur and distort, slowly diminishing as if being eaten by darkness. Nataku felt she was being taken in full speed, vigorously and forcibly to somewhere else perhaps to witness something once again.
But wherever she was being taken, it was on a deal of a great surge of pain.
What… What is the meaning of this?
It was like someone was trying to tear her limbs apart. Her mind was ready to explode and her eyes were forced to see various visions she could not even make out anything of.
Where are you taking me?
And Nataku screamed. She screamed until she felt she was hoarse but no voice came out. Her body hurt. Her head ached. Her limbs were shaking.
Such torture!
No! Leave me alone!
It was dark. It was scary. Where was the way out?
What did I do? What is this thing?
And Nataku felt afraid, cold and lonely.
What is this place? Stop, please! You’re hurting me!
She called out a name she could not remember. Whose name was it? It didn’t matter. She shouted again, her mind uttering silent prayers that someone would hear her, come to her, save her.
Save her.
Please, have mercy… Help… Help!
Save her.
And out of the darkness, hands shot up and dragged her down and she fell hard on a stone floor.
Pain.
And as Nataku oriented herself to what was going on, she saw another image of herself lying unconscious on a stone altar set in the middle of a hexagram. Glowing glyphs surrounded the area and two orbs orbited her like moons. She could see someone standing on the left side of her body yet the light seemed to only come from the glyphs and the spheres and she could not see who the person was. But it was another man. If he were the same one in the field of flowers, Nataku was not sure.
The bolted door was being pounded by someone who was obviously trying to force his way in. There was a commotion beyond that door but the person beside Nataku’s body did not seem to care as he lifted his hands over her body. It was only at this point that Nataku realized that he was chanting something. Sparks flew from her body as if protecting her. Whatever this man was going to do, the force around her refused to accept it. The pounding outside intensified as the sparks around her intensified as well. The man chanted harder and the glowing increased, lighting the room a little more. But Nataku could still not see who the person was.
The door crashed open and light came in. Just as Nataku was about to see whom was pounding at the door and who was performing the ritual on her, the same hands that grabbed her earlier came out grabbed her again. And she phased heavily through the floor. Her body felt battered and just as she was about to scream again, she heard voices that were different yet ironically familiar. The voices did not seem to be talking but they kept on coming, adding more confusion to her already confused mind.
Shut up!
“You have to leave. Hurry, leave.” It was a woman’s voice.
“We shouldn’t, but…” Someone’s voice. Male.
“No, it’s not wrong.” Another male voice.
“Take her.” A female voice.
“Nataku.”
The Fighting Goddess’ heart skipped a beat. That one was very familiar. It felt very close. It felt present. She felt it calling to her and not the image of her.
“Nataku!” The voice was trying to find her and she was trying to find it.
Take this off me!
“Nataku, wake up! Come back!”
Come back? Come back to where? Find me… Please!
“Nataku!” And with that, she felt hands on her shoulders and her soul seemed to have returned to her body.
Find me.
Most of the pain left and the voices ceased to come. She had no strength to open her eyes to what was there. More torture? But her mind swayed and her eyes snapped open and she felt wind on her face. But it did not matter any longer. And as she looked, she realized who that voice belonged to.
Ash-gray eyes.
“Master… Loki…” And as she spoke, it was only then that she realized she had been crying.
Loki was not speaking but the tears were forming. Nataku could not feel the ground and it was at this point that she realized that they were floating high above the trees that were disheveled by something. The pod was gone and there were craters below them. She could see Odin on the ground as he looked up while holding his arm. Laevatin was in his grasp. Goku held Nyoi-bo as well and he was on one knee as he stared. But Loki looked the worst. He was wounded in all sorts of ways and bleeding though not profusely. And as Nataku patched up what she saw and what she knew, she came to a slight theory.
“I…” she trembled and the tears intensified and she and Loki plunged down as if to crash, “I did all this…”
“Loki!” Odin gasped and then winced of sudden pain caused by the injuries he had.
“Na… taku…” Goku muttered.
“No.” Loki said softly and a ball of darkness enclosed them, ceasing their fall, “You didn’t do anything.”
Darkness.
The darkness was there and yet it was not sad, it was not lonely… It felt fondly safe for some reason. And for moments, she loved the darkness. The visions came and her heart was pinched with worry and confusion. There were things left unclear, some things she needed to remember. Perhaps the Divine Couple sent her on this mission to regain her consciousness, her memories, her self…
And something else that she felt was lost.
“Stop thinking.” Loki whispered and slowly, he took her into his arms, his hand gently pushing her head towards his chest. And he whispered again in the gentlest way Nataku had ever imagined. “Just stay here. They will never know.”
And the world stopped.
It was as if the outside world did not exist anymore.
And Nataku’s eyes burst with crystal droplets of varied emotion.
Hold me.
Don’t let go.
I’m afraid.
I’m so terrified.
It was as if she was not her self anymore. She had lost something very important. Something wrong happened. Something went wrong along the way. What way? Which way? It was as if something prevented her to do something, to feel something and made her do something else, feel something else.
She had forgotten.
She was wrong.
Her memories were no longer intact.
And the Battle Aesir cried for something she did not know or rather, something she was not supposed to know. No, not anymore. And there was guilt and betrayal. Her body shook against Loki’s and the darkness came as if to hug her, embrace her in all the warmth it could ever provide… as if the darkness were her friend.
She had been walking this path all this time. How could the darkness not be her friend?
Friend.
She wanted company. She wanted help. She wanted someone. She was in no position, in any strength to shun anyone away or to not ask for help, to not cry, to not wince, to not say she is lonely. And if lies could keep people around her, if lies could keep things proper, if lies could keep her away from everything that hurt…
If lies could…
But lies are still lies, will always be lies.
And lies hurt in the end.
Where could she run?
He could feel her shudder in distant thoughts, in pure distraction and in undistinguished emotion. How he hated to see her this way… And he cursed every single thing that caused this regardless of whether he was part of it. And so he held her closer, tighter yet gentler at the same time. He threw his thoughts silently at her if only she could hear. The tears wanted to brim closer yet it had to be repressed.
He could hear her. The sobs intensified.
The weakness in her was being visible. All the image of strength shrouded it so effectively – too effectively – that she had no time to cry. All the sadness built up, all the pain, all the pressure and burst out as tears. He did not know if he wanted to hate these tears of if he should thank them…
It was the only source of relief she could have now. How cruel would it be to take even that away?
He hated the fact that the only thing he could do was hold her and that the only response she gave him were the sobs, the shudders and the murmurs. Things went on in her mind. If only he could get her to speak so then it would have been easier…
…Right?
He could not understand and it was either he really couldn’t or he did not want to…
Because he was afraid?
I’m such a danged coward.
Uselessness is a pain and a burden.
Loki felt a pinch of pain in his chest. It stung quite badly and he winced. Nataku gasped, her head darting away from his chest, her eyes unsteadily shifting to find his face to see if he was all right. But Loki pulled her back as if hurting even more if she moved an inch away. She kept her eyes open as if trying so hard to put herself in her place as she always did. And in the middle of the darkness that had enclosed their lonely souls apart from the cruel reality, the cruel lies, the cruel world, Nataku saw something as blue as her eyes.
There was something peeking out of Loki’s pocket.
It was the only thing that gave color in that place of darkness and silence.
The Battle Aesir gasped for whatever reason.
The tears came again.
“Nataku…” Loki muttered as Nataku stared at the flowers clumped together in disarray, “I saved the hydrangeas.”